Blank pages

I love to buy journals.  I have all styles and designs.  However, each one has, at most, 10 pages of writing that does not consist of lists, addresses or doodles.  I guess that goes to show how much I love to write.  I really, really don't like it and I'm not good at it.  Despite that, I am determined that this blog not end up to be another blank journal.  I need to have a record of this portion of my life.  First, for my myself and my family and second any friends who might be interested in how my progress is going along the way.   

This post marks the beginning of the "back again" portion of my journey.  The first part has taken 19 years.  Even writing that makes me cry.  So many things about my life make sense now, in light of the knowledge that I have probably had Lyme disease for 19 years.  But even after a month of knowing, it's still hard to absorb that information.  Especially considering the toll that Lyme takes on ones mental and emotional state, I realize that I don't have to have it all sorted out just yet.  So I am taking it in by (very small) pieces and hopefully I can use this tool to help work through each step of that process.

Through it all, I am in awe of God's faithfulness to me.  He truly has guarded my life and my daughters lives as we have lived with this disease in our bodies.  I see His hand saying "this far and no farther" sparing our lives and bringing us to the point of discovering what this is and finding treatment. 
A promise that He has given me many times over the years has been Psalm 121.  These words have so much more life in them to me now.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

 ² My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

 ⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
       the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

 ⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
       nor the moon by night.

 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
       he will watch over your life;

 ⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
       both now and forevermore.